I guess I just want to get this all out in the open. I am fed up. And you know what? I am not taking it anymore. I know it sounds like a song lyric, but it's the truth.
I am a little tired for trying not to be who I am. I am saddened that I spend a lot of time explaining away the fact that I want my child to eat a healthy meal, or that I want him to have enjoyable and different activities and experiences.
I am done apologizing because my husband and child are the two most important people in the entire world to me and I just want to spend time with them.
I am fed up with trying to get my friends to come and hang out instead of sitting home and watching TV. (Although a couple of my good friends did make it to the house recently and we had a spectacular time!)
I guess last night I finally realized some things I have always known:
1. I am overly organized because I like to be. Whether that is buying tickets to events way in advance so they don't sell out, or planning meals for the month in order to have a variety of dinners and save money. I like planning. It makes my life easier, it saves our family money, and we never have to waste a day because we didn't have something fun or educational or useful to do.
2. I want to be super mom, and will do everything in my super power possibly to be that. That means that I feed my child healthy food, and a variety of dinners. That means I take him to experience different things, like the park, or the zoo, or the aquarium or a concert. That means that I don't want him watching tons of TV and I would rather spend time reading to him or coloring with him. Or at least that is part of what super mom means to me. And I am sick and tired of apologizing for having standards or trying my best. I hate having to downplay that yes - I cook 7 whole nights a week. And yes - I do not let my child have take-out or pizza at home (but believe me, he has had it once or twice). And yes - I make him healthy snacks or pack fruit with us when we go places. BUT no - I am not judging you or anyone else who doesn't do those things. It is just what I want for my child.
3. I love spending time with my family. A few years back, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It definitely made me re-evaluate what was important, and gave me a very clear picture of who was around when the end seems near. Because of that, I would much rather spend every single waking moment with my husband, son, and very close family and friends. I definitely place a higher premium now on the time that I have - and I really try to use that time wisely and to spend it with people I love.
I definitely don't try to pretend that I have it all figured out, or that my life is perfect, or that my house is ever actually clean. (My house is never, ever clean.) I am still a work in progress. But here is my warning shot to everyone around. Because I am no longer hiding who I am or not trying to be the best I can be.
*Disclaimer - of course! This post definitely is not directed at any one person, or group of people I hang out with. It is just how I feel when explaining how we raise our child to most strangers. :) I am very fortunate to have a very supportive group of friends and family around me who I love!
Here is where I will rant about my daily mommy life, give some insight into a brain tumor survivor's musings, and hopefully offer up some fun as well.